“Inside I was silently screaming” - Wigan mum speaks out about common yet often isolating experience
Pictured: Michaela
Warning: this article includes details in relation to baby loss and parent infant mental health which some readers may find distressing.
Michaela, a Wigan mum who was once left fearing she might never bond with her son following a series of traumatic losses, shares her story “as living proof that healing is possible” in honour of Infant Mental Health Awareness Week 2026.
“My story begins with desperation,” Michaela shared. “In 2015, I got married, full of hope for a family. But in 2017, I had my first miscarriage. The heartbreak was crushing. It felt like the world had stopped.”
After time had passed, Michaela became pregnant again. But at five months in, she experienced a stillbirth due to a rare condition affecting her baby boy, Zachary, which led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Michaela said:
“I kept asking myself, ‘Why me? What did I do wrong?’ I remember lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, feeling an emptiness that words couldn’t reach. Everyone told me it would get easier, but grief doesn’t move in straight lines. It seeps into everything, conversations, laughter, even moments of silence."
At last, in 2020, Michaela’s daughter Amelie was born, a healthy baby girl.
“I felt okay. But okay felt fragile. Anxiety lurked like a shadow I couldn’t shake. Every cry, every unsettled night, every appointment became a trigger for panic. Breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, and the guilt was relentless, that quiet voice whispering, ‘You’re already failing.’”
Michaela went on to experience a further three miscarriages, before she became pregnant with her son, Nico.
“Each loss chipped away at my confidence, my sense of self, my hope. I started to wonder if I was ever meant to be a mother, or if I was just broken. Even as I felt his kicks, even as I watched the milestones tick by, I didn’t feel that connection that everyone talks about. I worried constantly. What if something was wrong? What if I couldn’t love him?”
Michaela hoped that things would feel different once Nico arrived, but after his birth, she found herself still struggling to develop a relationship with him.
“I was terrified of admitting these feelings, even to my husband,” Michaela shared. “I smiled for visitors, nodded when people said ‘you must be so happy,’ and inside I was silently screaming. I felt like a terrible mother.
“I didn’t realise I was unwell until Nico was 5 months old when a feeding worker spotted it. Eventually, my GP diagnosed me with postnatal depression, and I was referred for specialist support.”
Michaela was referred to the Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) run by Greater Manchester Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust (GMMH), where she and Nico stayed for around four months.
The Unit provides specialist inpatient support for women in the North West of England who have recently given birth, and their infants.
Led by a passionate team with longstanding experience in perinatal psychiatry, the Unit offers a range of care and treatment within a safe and supportive environment, to promote the mother and baby relationship, support mental health recovery and ensure infant wellbeing. This includes support and education for partners, family members and friends.
Following discharge from the MBU, Michaela was then referred for support from the Building Attachments and Bonds Support (BABS) service, run by GMMH.
BABS works with families across the Wigan Borough to support the development of responsive and attuned relationships between parents/care givers and infants. It works with parents and infants from pregnancy up to the infant’s third birthday.
The team includes professionals from Clinical Psychology, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Social Work, Health Visiting and Peer Support, supported by a team administrator. Their work uses a trauma-informed approach to promote close parent infant relationships, positive infant mental health, and build bright futures.
They offer a variety of support for families, including psychological therapy, other play based therapeutic interventions, drop-in sessions and groups. They also offer training and consultation for health and social care professionals to increase awareness and understanding of parent infant mental health and the importance of early years support.
“The BABS team didn’t just tell me what to do, they walked with me,” Michaela said. “But they never judged me. They reminded me that attachment isn’t instant, it’s built, moment by moment.
“They showed me how to play with intention, how to use my voice and eyes and touch to help him feel safe. Slowly, the bond began to grow. I learned to read his cues, to respond to his emotions instead of fearing them, to settle him confidently.
“I remember the first time I felt a rush of love for him, it took my breath away.”
Catherine Corker, Clinical Psychologist at Wigan BABS said:
“Becoming pregnant or having a baby is a time to look forward, and a time to look back.
“Unexpected thoughts and feelings can be brought up. These can be triggered by our own experiences of being parented, and/or other life stressors such as losses, health, finances, or personal relationships.
“Parents can feel overwhelmed, isolated and experience feelings of guilt and hopelessness, as well as thoughts of ‘I’m not a good enough parent’ or ‘my baby doesn’t like me.’ This can contribute to difficulties in parent-infant relationships, unintentionally. Despite how common these experiences are, they are often not spoken about openly.
“It takes courage to ask for help, and at BABS we work alongside families to understand and build their relationships.
“We support people to develop curiosity about how their infant might experience the world, what their infant might be feeling and communicating, and promote positive mental health and wellbeing in parents, care givers, infants, and families.”
For Michaela and Nico, the support they received was life-changing. Michaela now uses her voice to break the stigma surrounding maternal mental health and difficulties in parent infant relationships, advocate for vital mental health services, and support others who are struggling.
Last year, Michaela met with Mayor Andy Burnham at the Platt Bridge Family Hub in the heart of Wigan to raise awareness of parent-infant mental health and the vital work being done by services such as the MBU and Wigan BABS.
Pictured: Mayor Andy Burhnam and Michaela at the Platt Bridge Family Hub, October 2025.
Michaela said:
“I once thought I was the exception - that I would never get better, that I would never feel joy with my children again. But I did. Nico is now my little buddy, my best friend, full of joy and curiosity.
“There is still so much stigma surrounding maternal mental health, and it can be an isolating experience for those going through it. But I am living proof that healing is possible. That is why I speak in communities and share my journey via TikTok; to reach those who may be going through something similar and raise awareness to those in positions of change.
“To anyone who is struggling, your journey matters. Your relationship with your baby can grow. You are not failing. Healing is possible, and joy is possible, even if it feels unreachable now. Bad mental health does not equal being a bad parent, and you are stronger than you know. Your love, even when it feels buried, is enough. You just have to keep going.”
Infant Mental Health Awareness Week is an annual campaign run by the Parent-Infant Foundation to highlight the importance of supporting babies’ mental health and wellbeing. Running from 08 to 14 June, this year’s theme is “Attunement”, focusing on how attuned early relationships support babies’ development. For more information, visit: IMHAW - Parent-Infant Foundation.
Come along to a coffee and Connections group
Wigan BABS offer a weekly Coffee and Connections peer support group. This warm and welcoming space is for parents and carers who are pregnant or care for a baby under the age of 3. It is a safe space to reflect and share how you and your baby and/or unborn baby’s week has been and your experiences as a parent.
When: Wednesday at 10am.
Where: weekly alternating between Ince Family Hub (WN2 2AL) and The Family Hub at Leigh (WN7 1XL).
To mark Infant Mental Health Awareness Week, a special session is planned for Wednesday 10 June, where previous service users and experts by experience have been invited to come along to share their stories, alongside families currently receiving support from BABS.
To find out more about Coffee and Connections, call the BABS team on (01942) 764448.
Further information and support
For more information about Wigan BABS, including the support on offer and how to self-refer to the service, visit: Building Attachments and Bonds Support.
Sadly, baby loss during pregnancy can happen in a number of ways, and is much more common than most people realise. For further information and advice around baby loss, including grief, PTSD, and the support available visit: https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/news/baby-loss-awareness-week-2025-7725.
For more information about the Mother and Baby Unit, https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/mother-and-baby.
For more information about the range of mental health support available in your area, you can also visit: www.gmmh.nhs.uk or speak with your GP.
